The Venn Diagram of Men

IMG_5521If dipping my toe back into the dating world has taught me nothing else, it is that all men are weird … feel free to be offended, but first let me explain.

The instructions for my last date were “put your dancing shoes on” … excellent, I thought, I love a dance I do, “where are we going?” … “Oh I thought you liked intrigue, so it’s a surprise” … yeah, no, no I don’t like intrigue or surprises, unless they’re presents, then I like surprises, not for a date. How do you dress on a date if you don’t know where you’re going?? So I opted for a slinky black dress and some kitten heels … Eventually 40 minutes late he turns up In. His. Mac(!) and caterpillar boots and says, and I shit you not “I was going to dress up, but I was struggling to find anything clean, including underwear” …!! So that’s nice..!

Eventually we made it to where it turns out we’re going ~ the Earl Haig Hall in Crouch End … the old British Legion… a working man’s club … and the music is reggae and ska … In. A. Slinky. Black. Dress. And. Kitten. Heels!!

Everyone was wear jeans and trainers – I stood out like a prize tw*t!! Especially as he wanted to stand cause he didn’t like sitting down … hello, heels!!! And he kept wandering off to say hello to friends, leaving me stood on my own. And then he tried to persuade me to dance, in the middle of the working man’s club in a slinky black dress and kitten heels To. Reggae!! No, really not!  Don’t get me wrong, I love the Earl Haig Hall, if I’m in my jeans with a group of friends, not on a date, dressed inappropriately!

And this is not even half of what happened on the date.

On recounting the full torrid story of the date to my friend Dave, he informed me there are two types of men, the fucked up kind and the useless kind. If they’re fucked up and useless then avoid them like the plague! He did add a third category on, after reflecting where he’d be in the diagram, being “capable” – it’s a tiny subsection of the male population.

If you are offended, you probably fit into the elusive tiny circle and you’re probably a nice normal man ~ it’s fine …in fact I’m rather glad you’re offended, it gives me hope …

yep I know there is a much more complex venn diagram of women…

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