Category Archives: Random

The Most Ridiculous Dance Injury

​I’m lying on my back in my living room, staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out if I’m ok or injured – nano-seconds earlier I was stood in my kitchen. What. A. Twat! What an utter twat!

I’d been practicing my rumba turns to try and sharpen them up – my rope spin, is at times ropey, so you know socks, shiny floor, great music why wouldn’t you … fucking disaster!

… I manage to keep the 360° turn tight and start to settle and … lose my balance, unable to unwrap my feet, I reach out to try and steady myself, but find nothing but air, falling through the doorway to the living room, scraping my tit on the doorframe on the way, akin to Del Boy falling through the bar. 

So here I lie prostrate on the floor with bruised and scraped tit. 

Self Portait

I had to have my photo taken for work today – the best picture of all the half-a-gazillion that we took was this one, which was me essentially dicking around [technical term] after too many too close / wrong side / skew-eyed attempts. The viewing software on my machine at work had a few filters and, as you do, I clicked through them and loved this Burlesque one. But alas I’m not allowed to use this picture at work, as well you know “serious” required. 

Ballroom Makeup Tutorial 

img_0136In less than a month I’m competing in my first ballroom competition. Like what the hell??!!  I never thought that would ever happen ~ and to be honest I still have doubts that it will.  But if it does, I need to be prepared ~ and that means dress, makeup and hair, on top of all the steps that I’m struggling to remember.

The thing is, my day-to-day makeup skills are limited, let alone competition-out-there makeup, so I thought I’d get some help … so I booked a makeup tutorial at MAC in Covent Garden, with an amazing lady called Claire.

For 2hrs she “worked on me”; taught me: how to put glitter on my eyes and not in my eyes; how to put on and more importantly what’s the difference between contouring, blusher and highlighter (stuff); and weird shit like you must put foundation on your ears also, as they go red when when you’re hot … who knew?!

I’m not sure whether it’s strong enough, nor whether I’ll be able to replicate it, but it was great to get some tips and be pampered for 2hrs. Definitely would recommend.